June 22 nd
My friend Stacy’s disdain for passing out goody bags at birthday parties was recently brought to my attention via Facebook. She realized that she needs “20 of something” to handout, and being a working mom she doesn’t have a second to shop. Within her status, she received lots of advice from her friends on what to do… and what not to do.
“I stopped doing them! They are a stupid idea!!” Allyson said.
“Hate them. Skip them!!!” stated Christine.
Janice’s advice, “I truly do not think the kids will notice no gift bag. Go for it!”
Yet Darcy added, “My daughter actually cried at a party that did not have them.”
While performing at a birthday party, I once witnessed a pack of children ravenously chanting “Goody bags! Goody bags! Goody bags!” It was like the overly zealous kids from Children Of The Corn on crack. I can honestly say that I don’t remember the exact moment when goody bags became the “norm” at birthday parties. It makes you think, “Who started the whole ‘goody bag’ craze anyway?” Obviously, it wasn’t a working parent.
In Los Angeles, the contents of GB’s from a party can get as competitive as the party itself. The really wealthy clients would have the party planning company provide the GB’s so they didn’t have to think about it. I remember clients that would specifically say, “We would like to have the same goody bags that you handed out at the Spielberg’s party, but better. We’ll pay more, of course.” Well, I’m going to let you all in on a big secret. My bosses would send me to downtown Los Angeles to purchase cheap $1 toys in bulk to stuff into the goody bags for the children of celebrity millionaires.
Have we gotten to the point of no return? Are goody bags expected? Is it a regional/class thing? Thus the question: To goody bag or not to goody bag? Do we teach our children that goody bags are a token of generosity and not a requirement?
My wife loves goody bags. She loves getting them and she loves giving them. But for her getting one is a bonus, not an expectation, and perhaps that is the difference.
In my opinion, the best piece of advice Stacy received was from her friend Dawn: “Give them a book.” And that is what she did. Reading: the gift that gives a lifetime.
I AM The Hollywood Clown
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It used to be that kids had to do things to earn their goody bags…chores, washing dishes, cleaning up. It sounds like the kids who have come to expect goody bags should try reading some of Miss Manners’ advice, since I’m pretty sure expecting a goody bag goes against it.
The Codger
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It’s very true. I don’t live in California, but kids here in Virginia do the exact same thing. If there are no gift bags, I hear them whispering to eachother “did you get a goody bag?” It’s silly to me. As you mentioned, gift bags should be a bonus, not a requirement. Besides, parties cost enough as it is.
i agree. It already puts a huge burden on the family in terms of paying for a party… I don’t want to spend the time, effort, or money to make extra things that the kids will forget in a day anyway
I give out goody bags myself.
As a matter of fact, I give out goody bags to the kids that show up for our family picnics, my sons birthday parties, etc.
I’m fairly smart about it though. I stop by the dollar store and end up getting a trunk load of stuff for about $25.00. Then when I get home, I dump it all in a big container.
As the children leave, I give them a ‘goody bag bag’ and offer them the container.
Depending on what they pick out (small item, large item, etc) I offer them additional picks. If they ask how many they are allowed to take, I limit them to two items. If they pick one item and go to leave, I offer them at least one or two additional ones for being polite and willing to do with one piece.
Some of the items I have in the box are:
pencils
crayons
notepads
erasers
balls
squirt guns
noise makers
necklaces
silly straws
stickers
bookmarks
puzzles
candy
toy soldiers
mind boggler puzzles
You can really find a lot of great stuff at the dollar store for this. And yes, it does take a few minutes here and there during the work day to gather it, but I do it over my lunch break.
Also, yes, it is a bit of an ‘administrative’ headache to make sure the kids are taken care of, but in all the time that I’ve been doing it (only 4 years now) I’ve had just about everyone of the kids say thank you and I LOVE to see their little faces light up.
I even offer some of the stuff to the parents as they either show up to pick up their children or when they are leaving. Some of them took me up on it.
My theory is this. It’s a party. Have fun. Make both the parents and children want to come back again (if that’s your thing) and this way, the child doesn’t suffer from it.
I don’t know how things are done on the West Coast (Hollywood, etc), but out here on the East Coast, in Central Pennsylvania at least, we’re still taught manners and to NOT ask for something as trivial as a ‘goody bag’. It shouldn’t be an expected thing at a party and the children should have the good manners not to ask for it.
But that’s just my two cents worth.
I have to agree with the last piece of advice: give a book. As a dad of two daughters, I’ve seen goody bags given away and received. My daughters like getting them, no doubt about it. But the enjoyment is very short lived, since goody backs are typically filled with small, cheap things that either are broken or lost in a day. So the goodies become junk. In the last birthday party for my daughters, we gave away books. That felt much better than giving junk. Hopefully, the kids will read the books and enjoy them — and for much longer than the 30 minutes a cheap plastic toy lasts. Thanks for your post!
years ago, i was a poor kid. I didn’t have goody bags. I didn’t even celebrate my bday.But i don’t mind because I understand what was happening around me.
Your friend could give the GB, but lets explain to the kids, that GB is not a must.
I still love getting goody bags; but now that I’m a legal adult, the hosts tend to skip me…..
hehehe – sad to get skipped over just b/c you’re taller than everyone else 😉
Goody bags are so wasteful. They are always filled with cheap plastic toys that get discareded or broken after a day or tooth ruining candy.
When I was growing up they weren’t so ubiquitous. I can’t really remember ever getting one actually. Of course when I was growing up children’s birthday parties were a much tamer affair. Homemade cake and a few friends over to play in the backyard. I didn’t have one every year. Nowadays some kids have one every year and I have even heard of some wackos celebrating half-birthdays!
As someone who has written about birthday parties for parenting magazines for years and who hates the crap in goody bags, I advocate giving each child a small party-theme related gift. Maybe a book or a stuffed animal or a set of juggling balls. Something that says “Thanks for coming to my party.” If you wrap the goody presents and dole ’em out at the last minute – when no one has time to open them, no one can complain.
Oh, here’s another idea for older kids. A Yankee swap – where there are cheap $2 items that are wrapped in the center of table. One kid picks one and opens it. The next kids can either chose a new present or take the one that the first kid has. Those become the goody presents. Hilarity ensues.
Great idea – my little ones are still too little for parties but I’ll keep this in mind – Thanks!
There have been a few times we forgot to hand out our goodie bags because it was busy. the kids were having fun eat, drink, more fun and then it’s bye bye. I wouldn’t feel any remorse for willingly not giving out goodie bags. I would encourage the parents of the kids who quietly grumble about not receiving a GB to reflect on all the fun, cake, ice cream, etc they just had courtesy of the birthday child and their family.
I remember being a kid and not caring. Some parties had them, some didn’t. I was just happy to be invited to a party because they were so much fun! Free food, cake, and games? How can you beat that?
Unfortunately times have changed and kids start expecting things that they shouldn’t. I don’t want to say its all on the parents, because the kids are constantly surrounded by friends and other familys who they might be learning from as well, but keeping a child grounded is probably one of the hardest things about parenting.
Btw, i have no kids, so i’m not really sure if my statement carries any weight.
I do recall being in cubscouts growing up, and once a week we would have “den meetings” at our den masters house. Each week 1 member of our den was required to bring a snack or treat for the rest of the den. Some people brought home made stuff like rice crispy treats and others just bought stuff like chips and salsa or whatever.
I do remember one of my friends got picked on a lot because he was unable to purchase “good treats,” for everyone else. Maybe his parents were financially strapped at the time, but i remember it bothered him and how bad it made me feel.
I guess events like that are what lead to the things mentioned in this post.
Books FTW!
Have to say, I was thrilled when GBs were no longer given. The junk usually ended in the trash and the candy was more than enough to throw already excited party goers over the edge. As my kids got older, tie dyed t-shirts or special hairbands were used to identify the kids in the party group. They became their “gift” for coming to the party. Sadly, most kids expect GBs and don’t realize the party was the gift…
Babies are just that, Babies. They will cry at anything. Pass out hugs instead. Love is the gift of all the ages. It has moved Empires and made Kings of poor people. It makes the World go around.
There has definitely been a change in trends. 10 to 15 years ago when I was young enough to attend birthday parties, GBs were very exciting because they were very rare. Now, people actually crib about what they get in their GB! It is all right to want to give something back to people who made the effort to bring you a gift and are there to share in your joy, but getting competitive about it is strange. Keep it sweet and keep it simple!
Great post!
http://www.njaiswal.wordpress.com
If you’re going to give goody bags, I love the idea of giving books.
One year, my daughter had a bowling party. We got a bunch of wooden paddles and balls, and I painted them white and put a red stripe along the handle so the paddles looked vaguely like bowling pins. The kids liked them, but I don’t think I impressed any of the parents.
http:/www.toddpack.com
The book idea is excellent. I’ve done it. I hate the escalation that occurs as parents compete in the goodie bag stakes at parties. Sometimes the goodie bag contents make the birthday gifts pale in comparison. That’s too much and makes for spoilt children (in my humble opinion).
At my daughter’s most recent birthday party, the girls made and decorated bags as one of the activities – they generally like craft-type things (especially my daughter). Then at the end of the party they got to take the bags they had made home with them.
One girl did say she couldn’t be bothered making a bag – which was fine. When she asked for/demanded her goodie bag at the end of the party, I pointed to the pile of newly made bags and asked which was hers.
She hadn’t made one, so she didn’t get one.
What do you think of my behaviour? Too harsh? Fair enough? Just evil?
[…] My friend Stacy’s disdain for passing out goody bags at birthday parties was recently brought to my attention via Facebook. She realized that she needs “20 of something” to handout, and being a working mom she doesn’t have a second to shop. Within her status, she received lots of advice from her friends on what to do… and what not to do. “I stopped doing them! They are a stupid idea!!” Allyson said. “Hate them. Skip them!!!” stated Christine. Jan … Read More […]
When I was a child I would have been thrilled to death with a book instead of a traditional goody bag. I was an avid reader, and still am. Now as an adult, when I have children I think that will be the route I go.
Maybe the economic downturn will have a trickle down effect on goody bags.
I think the whole GB idea started in the corporate world. I once had a boss who insisted that anytime we hosted a meeting we had to give all the participants a goody bag filled with corporate junk (tote bag, diary, pens, caps, etc.). Just as with the kids, goody bag creep started until people were practically expecting the keys to a Mercedes in the bag. The accountants finally put a stop to the practice!
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Loved what Dawn said!!! Yes, give them a book!! It seems that everything needs to bigger and better (and more stuff!!) all the time… personally I don’t think goody bags are a must- but what is a mother do? You give them- they don’t care… you don’t give them…and you will always be remembered the mother who skimped on the b-day and did not give out goody bags….
My wife always gives goody bags whenever we have birthday parties for our kids. I think she sometimes does it out of guilt but kids do seem to like it. Lately, she started giving goody bags filled with paper, pencil, stickers, and small toys instead of candy. If you feel you must give out a goody bag, I would go this route instead.
I do like your suggestion of giving a book instead.
I loved goody bags as a kid I love them as an adult.
I want to take something home.
Picture frames are pretty common for adult gatherings as are tiny beakers of potted herbs.
For the tot lot, they still come away with a bit of grub usually.
Tends to be more on the healthy side.
Cliff bar and juice box.
Cmon who don’t love a bit a shwag????
I seem to vaguely remember goody bags being the occasional elementary school thing… even gifts began phasing out in HS and college
HAH. Too funny. I stopped giving them out. In fact, at the door before a child entered one of my son’s party’s I’d say, “look, there’s no goodie bags at this party. The cake, ice cream and invitation are gift enough. You still want to come?”
One shameless five year old told me flat out that it would be a bad party because I didn’t give out a gift bag. I was flabbergasted. His mother apologized and he was granted entrance, but I gave him dirty looks the whole time and made sure he didn’t get seconds on cake. And speaking of seconds…that’s my other rant! I can’t stand kids that come back for seconds and thirds. I was never allowed to ask for a second let alone expect it! Sheesh.
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Love your post! We’re having my son’s b-day party today and this has been an issue we’ve been discussing. I don’t really have a problem w/ goodie bags when we do a small party at home. But today we’re heading out to an indoor jumpy place that costs $15 a kid, plus cake & ice-cream…he has 9 friends coming, that adds up! Since when did the party not become enough for the kids? Have goody bags become the “thank you” so our children get out of actually writing a kind note? I honestly don’t remember receiving goody bags when I was young, and it drives me crazy that kids expect them now. Be happy you came and had a great time, and when you invite us we’ll reciprocate with bringing you a nice gift and not expect a GB either!
About the modern practice of giving “gift bags” of crap to every child who attends your kid’s birthday party. I know why this practice was started – to prevent kids from crying “but I didn’t get anything!” when the birthday child opens up their gifts. I know – I can remember crying about it myself when I was a little boy. And sure, nobody wants a bunch of crying kids to ruin their birthday party.
But I’m here to tell you that this new custom is a terrible, terrible idea.
First of all, if your intention is to prevent kids from crying at your child’s birthday party, then buying them crap only DELAYS the inevitable tears. That’s because – without fail – the crap you purchased from the Dollar Store to give away to my kid ALWAYS seems to break on the way home. So that cute little yo-yo that my daughter was so excited about? Comes apart in the back seat on ride back home within about 30 seconds after leaving your party. Thanks for that!
And not only is it poorly made crap, it might even be dangerous crap. Those cute little trinkets – rings, necklaces? Probably have lead in them. I throw them away as soon as my daughter isn’t looking. And of course, she cries when she realizes they are “missing.” Thanks for THAT!
Usually there is candy in the gift bag. Okay, that may not be the end of the world. But it’s a constant struggle to keep our daughter away from too much sugar, and she’s already hyped up from drinking Coke and eating birthday cake to the point where she might need a straight jacket when she gets home. Again, THANKS!
But would you believe that we’ve actually discovered candy in our daughter’s gift bag that was MADE IN CHINA?! It’s true. Listen people, if we can’t trust the Chinese to make dog food that won’t kill our pets (remember the melamine taint scandal), maybe, just maybe – we should not trust them to make candy for our children.
But aside from my griping about the nature of the crap that is in these gift bags, there is a far, far more important reason why this new custom is a bad idea. And that is this: the reality is that children are born without empathy, and think that the universe revolves around them. It is our job AS PARENTS to disabuse them of this notion. Otherwise we end up with narcissistic, self-centered kids who grow up to be Paris Hiltons.
Giving away gift bags does NOT help! It makes things worse! It sends the message that we can’t trust out kids to understand that when someone else is celebrating their birthday, for that brief time the world DOES revolve around them and not around YOU.
My friends with teenage children constantly tell me that one of their main battles as parents of teens is to fight against the attitude of entitlement. Tell me – do you think that giving gift bags helps to foster that attitude? I bet it does.
So tell me, will it become custom when this generation is of marriage age, that now we will have to make gift bags for everyone attending weddings? Where does this insanity stop?
What about the concept that it is sometimes good to give without getting anything in return? I’m also trying to teach our daughter that experiences may matter more than physical possessions.
So, no thank you, please don’t give my child a gift bag at YOUR kid’s birthday party. I will do my JOB as a PARENT to teach her the lessons she needs to learn.
Goody bags are not just “wastrel material”- they are so tempting to me! I recently attended a birthday party and wanted one of ’em, but my mother wanted me to remain seated because I was too old for that! I thought why can’t adults have goody bags too!
I love the idea of books for the party favors! But even at kids’ parties, we adults need party favors too, and books show no age limit!
Oh, and I’m suggesting a soapmaking party – both kids and adults LOVE it and the soaps they make are party favors of their own! Useful and fun!
Good post, please do publish more posts!